Mother of Two!

Mother of two!  That’s my new role in life.  Wow!  It is hard to believe that my son is already a month old!  It feels like it has gone by so quickly in some ways, but also like he was just born yesterday.

Life has been a bit hectic over the last month, as I’m sure anyone with a toddler and newborn can relate.  It is lots of fun having a newborn again.  So sweet.  So small.  So cozy.  It has also been hard having a newborn again.  Little sleep.  Lots of feeds.  Sore body.

In an earlier post I shared my daughter’s birth story.  Here is my son’s.

Throughout the pregnancy I was pretty nervous about the delivery.  I had needed a c-section with my daughter and had suffered from major panic attacks, bad enough that they needed to put me under to keep me from shaking so they could get her out.  I had a couple small panic attacks when I was pregnant with my son, which only fueled my worries about his delivery.  My goal was to be conscious for his birth.

My doctor and I discussed how I wanted to deliver my son, and we both agreed that a repeat c-section was probably a good option.  As the time got closer, I was able to meet with the doctor who had delivered my daughter and was able to schedule a date for her to perform the second operation.  I was very happy to have her again.

Very different having a planned c-section compared to an emergency one.  Things were much calmer, but still nerve wracking.  I was scheduled for Tues, Feb 24 at 1:00 pm.  My husband and I arrived at the hospital around 11:30 that morning.  I was given a gown to change into and settled onto a bed to wait until they were ready for me.  As expected, things weren’t exactly running on schedule so we waited for quite awhile.  Eventually the nurse came for me and we walked down the hallway to the room just outside the OR.  There I met with the anesthesiologist who walked me through the meds I would be getting.  (I have to say that when I booked the c-section, I really wanted the same doctor; if we have another kid, I want to book with the same anesthesiologist!  He was fantastic, letting me know what was going to happen and helping me stay calmer than I otherwise might have been.)

A nurse led me into the OR.  That room is a very bright room!  A lot smaller than I realized.  I was helped onto the table and given, first a mild sedative (because of my panic attack history) and then a spinal.  Unlike an epidural which feels like ice being poured down your back, the spinal started with heat in my toes.  An interesting sensation.  Before it completely kicked in and I couldn’t move anymore, I laid down on the operating table and the screen was put up and they finished getting ready to start the operation.  Once I was ready, my husband was permitted into the room.

I remember a bit of pressure being put on my belly.  I’m convinced I could feel being cut open – no pain, just that something was happening.  I was crying for most of the operation, with the anesthesiologist and my husband offering reassuring words of comfort.  I wasn’t aware of the reason until afterwards, but eventually the anesthesiologist told me that he was going to put me under for just a few minutes.

IMG_0490When I came to, there was my husband, holding our son!  (So much for being conscious for the delivery!  Oh well!)  I had been out for no longer than about five minutes.  Enough time for the doctor to use forceps and extra force to pull the baby out!  (I didn’t even know that they might need to use forceps with a c-section.)  After I was conscious again, they quickly finished up the operation, and I was moved to the recovery room.

In the recovery room, I got a chance to actually hold my son.  At 8 pounds 10 ounces, he was a lot bigger than I had thought he would be.  Of course, as a newborn, he was still so tiny!  He had an angry red mark on his cheek and bruises on his ears from the forceps, but I was told that they would disappear within the next day or two.  I think the red mark on his cheek was gone by that evening!  Magic baby skin as my sister says.

IMG_0498After about an hour in the recovery room, making sure things were going how they should, I was moved into a private room on the postpartum unit.  My parents, one of my sisters, my husband’s parents, and his sister were there to meet our little boy and shortly after, my other sister arrived, bringing our daughter.  I got a little teary eyed when I saw my grown up little 21 month old!  My mom shooed everyone out, but thankfully, my one sister pushed my other sister back into the room to take some pictures of our new little family.

We have now been a family of four for over a month.  Our daughter, E, loves her new baby brother, C, showering him with kisses and hugs.  Whenever we put him on a play mat, she immediately leaves whatever she is doing to cuddle with him.  I’m still adjusting to being a mother of two, trying to balance my time between both my children, my husband, while still getting some “me” time.

I am totally in love with my new baby boy and am looking forward to the joys and challenges of having a son.



3 thoughts on “Mother of Two!

  1. I remember how scary and traumatic it is to have an urgent c section. I too suffer from panic disorder and had 14 hours of panic attacks while being induced. I won’t go into the long details but it was awful. I fear having to have another c section and deal with the post partum anxiety which was so much worse in some ways. Reading your experience gives me comfort though that perhaps a planned c section would be less traumatic. My son was 9 lb 1 oz when he was born. That OR room is extremely bright I remember! I was so scared I kept my eyes closed the entire time. I didn’t even want to see the lights. It wasn’t until I heard my son cry, then I snapped out of it and was filled with joy. It was extremely hard recovering from one c section with the first child. I can’t imagine how to do the same with a toddler ruling the house.

    • Thanks for your comment! I’m glad to hear that my experience might give you a bit of encouragement for the future. The planned c-section was a lot different in that things seemed to be a bit calmer. Yes, I was still nervous and panicky, but I wasn’t pumped full of stress hormones. I really wish I had been able to hear his first cries (I envy you there), but I just have to remind myself that a safely delivered baby was what was really important. And as far as recovery from the actual surgery, for one, because I hadn’t been under for as long, I could remember so much more, and once home, I needed to take the pain killers for a little longer than the with the first delivery, but it was more the lack of sleep that was the worst! I think I cried almost every night for the first month when he would wake to feed because I was just SO tired, and he wasn’t feeding properly, and it was just rough. 😦 But somehow we made it through the first few months (he is now 4 1/2 months and weighing 18 lbs!) and things are getting easier.

      • My husband told me that the c section was better for the baby as it wasn’t as stressful on him having to fight through a narrow canal, so I always reminds myself of that when I think I might go VBAC with the second child. Strange enough, I begged and pleaded to be put under for the c section but my doctor denied me. I feared that I would be shaky as well and or vomit from fear during the operation. I remember those first months so vividly, which is surprising with the lack of sleep involved. As if exhaustion from feeding and everything that comes with the territory wasn’t hard enough, even when he would sleep, I would find myself wide awake every night fearing the worst. I couldn’t stop my mind from going to the worst places of what if. Maybe I should have taken the medication prescribed for panic, but I was afraid to be stuck on some medication. I’m so glad to hear all is better now! It was right around 4 months also that I began to truly enjoy being a mom and that was when the panic finally started to lessen. I also had a lot of guilt when I couldn’t breastfeed after the first month. It was involved as to my circumstances, but at the end of the day, I had to focus on what truly mattered at the time, which was my sanity (I was exclusively pumping and that was a million times more work than I ever imagined).

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